F**K 2021

You probably could of guessed it. 2021 has been a bit of a shit. 

In the XX years that I have been alive, 2021 has presented me with great amounts of ups and downs. 

To be fair, the beginning wasn’t that bad. I started the year with a new job at the university. I got paid to sit in front of my computer while mentoring students at my university, critiquing their writing and teaching them how to study. I received notice that I got a job interview and soon got accepted into my current position in Japan (will post more another day). That was a nice surprise. I got promoted and got more work at university, resulting in more coin. Tick, tick, tick.

The year has also brought me lots of great conversations (expected and unexpected) and opportunities to build great friendships with lots of lovely minds. On the side of all of this, I also got to explore more pet hosting and kitten fostering which was always a delight as I got to meet wonderful people and take care of gorgeous pets. 

Unfortunate to say, good things are accompanied with the not so good as well. I have fought many battles this year. I won some but lost many. There are some where I saw them coming from afar; but many I did not anticipate and it really hit me hard. 

A few of my close friends (you know who you are) know the nitty gritty details. If it wasn’t for their support, their time and patience and willingness to lend me a shoulder or an ear, I may have not gotten through it. During one point of 2021, I thought to myself that I had had enough. I really, really wanted to let go. 

In all seriousness, I really thought I would not make it. I felt I had lost the courage to go on. I have been at the lowest  of my lowest point this year. To come out of that tunnel of extreme darkness to where I am right now seems like a miracle. It is honestly a blessing. And, I would not have been able to get through it less of the love and support from a few around me. 

My worst battle for the year was when I lost my dearest father. He passed away when I was in quarantine in Japan. I had spent the last 3-4 years caring for him; being by his side and trying to build a support network to help him. Before leaving for Japan, my father was in palliative care. Though I was supposed to do self-isolation for two weeks prior, I would go to the hospital to visit my father.  I talked to him everyday, played his favourite music, and gave him foot massages. My father passed at the end of my first week of  quarantine in Japan. I knew I had done what I could for him and he was well taken care of until the end. However, I still felt empty. I felt strange. I still feel empty and it all still feels strange. Such a reality is brutal and so very foreign to hear that my father had passed on but I wasn’t not there to be with him. Not quite the cherry on top but very quickly after quarantine and me attending my father’s funeral online, I soon lost my grandmother (and with that, I also lost connections with a few family members who I cared for years and whom I thought cared about me). So, it is fair to say that 2021 was a very crappy year for my family and I.

2021 has been a year of lots of frustration and confusion, but also a reminder that I need to grateful for what I have or had. There are some things I wish could have happened differently or some events that I wish did not happen at all. Such is life, I guess.

I really hope 2022 is a better one. This goes for not just myself, but for everyone.

You may also like